Modern Day Mirror
Host and intuitive Cecilia Rodriguez chats with innovative, heart-led creators about the ways they are reshaping their lives, their communities, and the world.
Modern Day Mirror
S1E1: Perfect Strangers
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Kyla recalls an online dating experience that had her acting out of character.
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Hi there, and welcome to Modern Day Mirror. This is a place to get curious about the feelings and experiences we see reflected in the stories of others. We're here to celebrate and learn from our neighbors as living, breathing, modern day mirrors. Hey there, folks, this is your host, Cecilia, and thanks for tuning into our debut episode. During this first season of Modern Day Mirror, we've got a collection of stories for you featuring endings our guests did not see coming. To start us off, we're talking surprise endings and ... online dating. I've been off the apps for quite some time now. But I'll admit, the romantic and me still loves the idea of all the potential in these virtual matchmaking spaces, even if it can sometimes feel like the odds are stacked against you. Our first episode features a fabulous storyteller and one of my dearest friends, Kyla, who begrudgingly gave online dating a try after 18 whole months off the market. Let's take a listen as she opens up about a risky first date she'll never forget.
Kyla:So I was sitting in Inks Eats & Drinks with someone sitting across from me right now. And you were probing me to get back in like the dating world and get into this whole swipe left swipe light, right stuff hadn't been talking to anybody for like 18 plus ish months. So with a little bit of liquid I-don't-give-a-heck, we started my profile and picked some pictures, let you tear them apart, picked some other pictures because again, I'm like I don't want to do this. So put some pictures up there and just roll the dice pretty much. And as you re- if you remember - I was done. I was like this is a
Cecilia Rodriguez:What do you think - before that experience - joke. what was the hesitation to online dating, do you think?
Kyla:Being ... I don't wanna say complacent... content! That will probably be the best word. Being content with my space. I was fine. Not talking to anybody. I was fine doing me if I wanted to leave my drawers on the couch, I would leave them there. My son's not gonna say anything. He might be like, Ewww, Mom! But, you know what I mean? If I wanted to leave them there and go to work and come home, they would still be there. I didn't have to worry about anybody else in the space. I could do what I want. If my son wasn't home, I could drink my wine for dinner and go to bed. Like I was just really content and comfortable. In the little life that I had created with just myself and my son. I had my girlfriends I was still going out hanging out and all that kind of stuff. So like life, my social life didn't stop. But I wasn't worried about filling that man space. It didn't feel like a void so I was good with it. Right? I had my ups and downs it was ebbs and flows. So sometimes I'd be like, I want somebody and it wasn't just like, you know, cuffing season wintertime stuff, it was just sometimes you did want that companion. Then I started talking and I'm like, And the dating pool is trash. So I go back to my I'm cool just you know what I mean? I'll exchange numbers Kiki with somebody but I never was finding anybody that was worth me kind of shaking up my my comfortable little you know, home that I had and 18 months later you get real comfortable it's just really easy to do your own thing and now I got to think about somebody else and split time and get dressed when you come over that was another thing everybody who knows me knows I'm very laid back I'm pretty chill like I'm not gonna be glammed up on a Tuesday in my house. I'm gonna come over my clothes will not match my hair's probably a mess.
Cecilia Rodriguez:Bra optional
Kyla:Bra definitely off. Absolutely off. So yeah, I make the profile and just let it go right getting some very good laughs out of it by far.
Cecilia Rodriguez:I remember laughing so hard in that restaurant, people probably thought we were drunk and we were not.
Kyla:We were not.
Cecilia Rodriguez:And if you remember, that was one of the first times that we hung out too.
Kyla:Was it?
Cecilia Rodriguez:It was you were you were your little beautiful Aries self, who was very kind of you know, you're friendly and cordial with everyone. But you're very, very protective with who you let into your inner circle. And so I had spotted your energy from across the room months before that, right? I'm like, oh, I want to be this girl's friend. And so I remember you were kind of like, oh, like Yeah, we could I had suggested we get together and like do the online dating stuff and take a look and you were kind of like yeah, I guess you know, it wasn't even like prime hours right? It wasn't like a Friday I think it was like a Tuesday after work or something
Kyla:Ya, bar was kinda gonna empty. Like couple regulars
Cecilia Rodriguez:We just laughed and laughed. That was so fun.
Kyla:It was definitely fun when I look back it It was definitely fun. It really helped me realize like, what do you want? You know what I mean? Because I'm not into the whole, like, what are you doing? What did you do today? Good morning Gorgeous. Like, errrrt! Stahp stahhhhp. I am 30 something years old. I don't need you like
Cecilia Rodriguez:Team Too Much.
Kyla:Right?! I don't need your"good morning gorgeous" unless you like there's coffee money under the mat when you leave like, okay, yeah. So. So swiping, swiping, I'm over it. I didn't delete the app. And this is when I think things are supposed to happen the way they did for a reason I didn't delete my account, I deleted the app. So I still had a notification that was set up to send me emails if somebody direct messaged me. So I'm sitting at work one day, and I'm bored. That's always when I get myself in trouble. So sitting at work bored, and I get an email that I got a direct message. This is from the app that I've deleted off my phone, but I just deleted the app. So my account was still active, I guess. So I'm like, oh, first message is Hi, how're you doing? It wasn't the Good morning. Gorgeous, you're beautiful and all that riffraff, right. So bored at work? Let's talk. So I get back on. And we're messaging back and forth. And the dude is actually chill, like, he's not trying to butter me up. He's not trying to give me all these accolades. We're having a little bit of just regular conversation. And I was okay with that. He wasn't really like the physical type that I would go for. But he wasn't ugly to me. He just wasn't really just the type that I will check for like I if I couldn't talk to you and I had to pick you out of a crowd. He wouldn't be that person. Once talking to him, definitely would be someone I'd pick out the crowd, right. But those first impressions are usually visual. So chatting back and forth, or whatever. It's a couple of maybe a couple of weeks of chatting. It was right before my birthday. And I think he I want to say he messaged me and was like, here's my number I'm getting off of, you know, this app or whatever. And I'm like, okay, so got the number. Thought about it, sat on it for a second. Reached out, conversation continued via text, so I was cool with it. Then like the weekend of my birthday that year, he went ghost and I was like this motha! we're having like decent conversation. We're not talking about like getting together. We're not talking about dating,
Cecilia Rodriguez:Just like getting to know each other as friends.
Kyla:Just talking right? Just conversation like I would have with anybody. I'm pretty, pretty clever with the tongue kind of a smart aleck. So I would shoot them and I get a little laugh, shoot them back, whatever. So we're just we're just talking have a good conversation. Then my birthday comes which he does not know my birthday. And this is this is ladies where we have to, like really have a moment of like self checking, because I'm like, It's my birthday weekend and he ain't even called me. Honey. He don't know it's your birthday. He don't know.
Cecilia Rodriguez:What do you mean he can't read my mind?
Kyla:Exactly. Like you didn't look at my profile. I'm pretty sure my birthday was on my profile. He had just went ghost like I just didn't hear from him for the like Friday through all of Sunday. Then Monday, he comes back like hey, how are you? My first thought was like, Uh uh n****, where you been?! Like you know what I mean? So when he got back in, he was like, Hey, how are you? How you doing? Or whatever, how was your weekend? But then he says my son and I went to Yosemite and I didn't have any reception. We left Friday or whatever day that I realized that I had stopped hearing from him. And instantly I was like, Oh, it's okay. Like I felt better all of a sudden right? But I went into this just talking. I went into this being my sarcastic smart aleck you know, sharp tongue self. I went into it not caring about really what I said how I said when I said it, because I wasn't worried about trying to like this person or this person trying to like me so especially because he wasn't like that. Oh, who is he like you what I mean, it wasn't one of those even physical attractions for me. So there was nothing pulling at me to make me feel like I needed to be on top of my game. You got real deal Holyfield, Kyla. So anywho chit chatting or whatever. And we start hanging out. So the first time he invites me over, and this was on some, this was on some real weird stuff. But he was telling me... oh, I think it was criminal now that I think about it. He was telling me that he like drives this lady like almost chauff- chauffeur ish. Like, he drives this lady like she'll rent the car. He drives her wherever He'll either wait or he'll come back return the car and I'm just like, Okay, I'm like, I'm about to see him on first 48 or something.
Cecilia Rodriguez:Like, what do you got goin on?
Kyla:Yeah, so it was very weird, but he had told me that the lady had got given him or gifted him. Like a really nice bottle of wine mind you were chatting and getting to know each other so he knows I like wine. He was like you want to come try it with me? And I'm like, hey, just asked me. Do you want me to come over?
Cecilia Rodriguez:Yeah. Yeah. That was kinda smooth though.
Kyla:It was, it was. I'll give it to him, I'll give it to him. He was like, you want to come try with me or whatever. And I'm like, okay, cool. Again, not being normal Kyla. Normal Kyla is you're not gonna know where I live. We're gonna meet in public. This Kyla, I don't know who the hell she was. This Kyla went to this man's house at dark 30
Cecilia Rodriguez:Oh, no!
Kyla:To go drink wine. Like, girl just walk in there with your panties in your hand, because that's what it looks like. Right? So I get on there and it was you and it was my, my bestie Liz. Hey, y'all, if I don't come back, this is what he look like. This is where he lives. This is the phone number. I've been texting. Like, you know, you give your girls all the details. And you're like, I'll text you when I come up for air, right? Yeah. So we get there. And I'm like, you know, hey, I'm here in where do I park and so he lives in an apartment. He comes out and he ends up moving his car out of his stall so that I can park in his stall and he goes and find somewhere to park. Kudossss!
Cecilia Rodriguez:Love that!
Kyla:Kudos, right? Off the top. So then we get in the house and he actually had wine. It was not that special. It was not that special but I'm like it's okay. And he's like, ends up being an African man. So I'm hearing all the accent I remember joking about he couldn't say Berkeley
Cecilia Rodriguez:Oh! Because you hadn't talked to each other on the phone or...?
Kyla:We talked once or twice on the phone like voice we talked a couple of times on the voice I've heard the accent over the phone was so I wasn't shocked in person. But when you hear like naked ear hear it, I was like, Dang. He really like you really ain't from here, bro. So just hanging out, everything's cool or whatever. He pours the wine glasses don't match like total bachelor.
Cecilia Rodriguez:Typical bachelor.
Kyla:Exactly. He's washing them out before he gives them to me which you don't even realize I'm OCD so I appreciate that. But like total bachelor pad, he's got like random rugs and different couches, big old TV, of course. But we sit down and we have just good conversation again. Like that's always been a good thing for us. We always had good conversation. We could talk about anything for ever right? So sitting down or whatever having conversation we're chit chatting and watching like TV ish, a little bit drinking the wine. And it's like, okay, wine is gone and it's like time to figure out if you're gonna you know, shit or get off the pot. I ended up staying on the pot. And I don't know why. Because again, not normal Kyla move. I'm at your house at dark 30 I'm doing all these things I don't normally do. I stayed the night at the man's house. I don't even know why. I think I was just rolling with it. Like, oh, and I remember was it the first time I don't think it was the first time I went over there. that was a couple times later. I went over there with my hair. Like I had my friend twist my hair because I'm natural. You got to start that stuff the night before. While it's wet. You got to twist it up, put the product on there let it dry overnight.
Cecilia Rodriguez:Cause it takes a day and a half to dry.
Kyla:Mann. So I went to my friends and had her twist and it was like okay, but Mimi. I'm about to go see this dude like how can I what can I do with this hair? So put on my little Erykah Badu boomp boomp wrapped it up and was like we gonna make it work still just being myself or whatever? It's not really caring like I kind of like him now I'm kinda digging him, but I'm still okay walking away. It's still fresh it's still new. It is what it is. So spent the night the first time. my panties stayed on just for those who's wondering.
Cecilia Rodriguez:No judgment.
Kyla:No judgment cause the second time they came off. So spent the night the first night or whatever we get up in the morning I slept on top of the bed jeans on shirt on on the side of the bed because old Kyla was starting to come out like wait a minute girl What are you doing like got a little nervous but it was like but I ain't leaving now.
Cecilia Rodriguez:Cause that's really vulnerable
Kyla:Absolutely I don't know you you can chop me up you know what I mean and I'd be done like I just I don't know I'm out in like Citrus Heights. I think at the time I was living in South Sac so like all my people is way on the other side of the world. So it kind of got like Ugh so I kind of clammed a little bit but finally went to sleep I really had no problems going to sleep. But then wake up in the morning he's like Are you a coffee drinker and I'm like, I like coffee with my creamer and he was like oh okay, I don't really have... I got some instant coffee but I don't have no creamer And I was like, It's okay. You know, don't worry about it or whatever.
Cecilia Rodriguez:So thoughtful!
Kyla:Very! very, very thoughtful. And that was something that every time after that went to stay the night I woke up with a little Starbucks on the side of the bed because he's an early riser and I am not and then I lived in South Sac South Sac is hood. So it's like, you know, is that a gunshot or a firework you never know. I'm out at his apartment in Citrus
Cecilia Rodriguez:Awwwww, I just got chills! I mean, I knew Heights. It's quiet. And it's cool because there's like a big tree in front of his window. And so I'm like snoozing every morning, he gets up on the weekends and goes and gets his son. And he's leaving me in the apartment by himself. But I have my little Starbucks on the side. He did get some creamer and instant coffee, because he didn't have a coffee maker. But that's cool. I appreciated the thought. So all of those things just started happening. And continuing like it wasn't, I'm doing this in the beginning, it was just like, No every time, then it was like, here. I'm out of coffee, but get you some on the way to work. Because now, I went from staying Fridays to coming over on Saturdays or Sunday, when he didn't want he didn't have his son and stuff. So I'm now leaving from work that but it still gave me chills! from Citrus Heights on my big girl stuuuffff. You know. But yeah, so it just, it just kind of started to develop and become
Kyla:But in hindsight, kind of looking at just all the things something. And I'll say long story short, we're getting married October 6. that I did in the very beginning, I was my absolute self. And I was comfortable being my absolute self, because I did not care what was going to happen afterwards. comfortable in my skin and who I am and how I speak, how I look and all of the things if I would have done that a long time ago, I just really wonder what would have happened, what things I might have missed out on what things that would have maybe happened differently or relationships been different if I was just myself.
Cecilia Rodriguez:When we know better we do better. Right?
Kyla:That part, that part. So now you get Kyla and Kyla still needs a little softening sometimes.
Cecilia Rodriguez:As we all do.
Kyla:Sometimes you get a little too much Kyla. But I'm just me now I'm just me now and I it. I like me, I like that I'm just kind of carefree to a certain degree. And with my circle with my people I'm still me, but I'm learning to be me in new spaces. And if you like me, that's great. If you don't, that's cool. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. And I'm not here to be everybody's cup of tea. Because I also know the me that I give off is a lot I give 10 toes down me and if you like me like me and if you don't your loss not mine, you know?
Cecilia Rodriguez:Yeah, but can I can I offer another reframe here? I don't think that all of you is a lot. I actually think that you bringing all of you is unusual, which is why it can be perceived as being a lot.
Kyla:I like that outlook. I really do. Yeah, I just I really feel like if I wasn't me, especially if anybody if anybody knows my dude, he's probably way more I could care less about the fan the fancy the trendy that yeah, you know what I mean he's so he'd probably wear the same pair of pants if I didn't make him change em. So it's like in that aspect, we really just we worked very well together. And if I wasn't being me, I might have missed my opportunity. I might have missed my person. So I don't know it's it's something that has changed who I am or who I want to be. It went from caring and trying to be others to caring and be myself. For sure. For sure. Most authentic time of my life.
Cecilia Rodriguez:I love that.
Kyla:So yeah, pretty cool. Pretty cool. Now I'm like, hey, no, take backs. Sorry. I like to remind him, open the door and be like, Hey, by the way, you picked this bro. You're welcome. So yeah, when he walks into the kitchen, and I'm in there dancing with a spatula in my hand, I'm like, It's all yours, Baby. It's all yours!
Cecilia Rodriguez:Big big thank you to Kyla for reminding us of what's possible when we're brave enough to show up authentically. Be sure to check out the podcast show notes where you can find the Modern Day Mirror Linktree featuring a direct link to our Instagram with photos of Kyla and her boo, and more information on how you can be our next guest on the podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please leave us a rating subscribe and share it with a friend. Thanks so much for being here.